All posts tagged Molestation

Karma Come Soon

Published July 3, 2014 by Dream Weaver

Three men on choppers arrive at their destination, a house at almost the end of a dirt road in the mountains of Arizona.  They stepped off their hogs in unison like outlaws in an old western.

They head to the cabin of their destination as an older man steps out on the porch.  “Hi, guys are you lost?”

“Not if you’re Owen”, said the burly bearded biker.

“Yes, that’s my name, may I ask who you are?” said Owen.

“We are, Hicks, do you know why we are here?” said the lead biker.

“I think so…”Owen said and stood quietly waiting.  He had spent fourteen years in prison not much scared him anymore, but he knew well enough to stand tough and not show fear.

“We are not here to hurt you or scare you, we just want to talk.  You have done a lot to hurt our cousin and the pain you cause her has never stopped.  Just because you are no longer molesting her, doesn’t make the memories or pain go away.  The trauma remains and the pain still stings.  You took everything from her, her father, her cousins, aunts and uncles.  You took her innocence and her confidence.  We suspect you even took her mother away, from stupidity causing her death.  Then you even took her mother’s death wish, her mother’s last words away from her.  Frankie was surrounded by her siblings, nieces and nephews where were you? Frankie spoke to Sandy just before she was put on life supports.  Frankie told Sandy that this cabin is hers not yours.  That you had other places, properties and this place was hers.  At least 4 people heard this from Frankie, Sandy didn’t fight it. Even before when Sandy last saw Frankie she talked to her mother about her Mother’s Ring. You thought there were synthetic stones which actually were real gemstones, Frankie told her to take the ring. And sadly she forgot it and you say that the ring had been gone for years.  Sandy has been fighting for her sanity and life since you snuck into her life.  Now for the last three years she has fought medical battles, lucky to have survived, broke verily getting by, while you live in her house, going to the casino regularly and Las Vegas.  It is just you here why, do you have so many cars and motorhomes?  Sandy has one car that verily runs and can’t afford to get another.  Does anything sound fair here?  Do you ever think of anybody but yourself? Do you feel any guilt at all for all the lives you destroyed?  What are you going to do about this?”

Owen spoke, “You are right, where do I start?

The lead rider spoke, “How about thinking of her first for a change.  Sale the vehicles you don’t need.  Keep the truck and send everything from the sale of the vehicles to Sandy.  Or even better, send them full of some of the stuff you are just sitting on and let Sandy sell them at auction in Iowa where they will bring in good money.  You do not need all the stuff you have, come on you are an old man don’t make someone else handle it after you are gone.  All your prized stuff will be worth nothing after you are gone.  You know old man Karma is a bitch, there is still hope for you; God does not forgive everything.”

The lead rider shook his head, looked at his cousins and said, “We are done here, and the rest is up to him.  Let’s ride.”  In unison, they hopped on their hogs and started them up and rode away down the dirt road with their backs to the old man.

Remember…. Karma is a bitch, sooner or later she will get you!


What Motivate Us

Published June 24, 2014 by Dream Weaver

We all know we are driven to do things we don’t always understand.

I wanted to outgrow ‘Little Sandy’ guess what, there is nothing little about me.

I wanted to sing and be on stage, but childhood trauma and my weight holds me back.

I wanted to regain a family that I lost when my parents divorced.  My mother and step-dad kept me hidden away from my Dad and his family.  I know why my step-dad wanted that way, he was afraid for his life.  He stole  my mom away and too me with her with the plan to molest me and have us both.  Sadly he achieved his goals and more.

I became a insecure teenager and adult who put on weight thinking it would shield me from life’s hurts, only causing me more pain.

At six, I was a loving bright child writing poetry, and turning everything into songs and music.  The poetry changed direction from joy to anguish around the age of 10.  I became withdrawn and music was still in my heart but caught inside.

I had spent my early years, with people who loved me and looked out for me when my parent could not.  By 10 bonds were lost and my family became a cell.  I went to school, came home to a mother at work and a stepfather who was always alone with me and his plans in motion.  I was lucky to escape and be with kids my own age playing, which hardly ever happened.  I was a servant who did all the housework and my stepfathers’ toy.

I am almost sixty and still trying to recover from all the damage done.

My dad passed away back in 1979, I saw him twice for a few hours before he died.  He and all his family lost to me.

So what do I do?  Genealogy.  Searching for what I lost.  I have bonded with second cousins I had never met over the internet and by phone.  I track down Aunts and Uncles that have passed.  Occasionally, I hit gold.

While looking for one of my female cousins who I was closest with who had been accidentally murdered by her husband. I was looking for details decades later, I found her brothers obituary, with an email address four years old.  You can’t begin to imagine the numbers of emails I send out trying to track down information.

I sent an email to this person that was his son hoping he still had the same address.  A few hours later there were emails going back and forth. I set up a facebook page for the family, he starts sending dozens of his generation to the group.  Best of all well not best darn close to the people were pictures of my Aunts and Uncles and some of there kids. Pictures from the mid fifties of people I knew.  Pictures of the 70s of people I knew, lots of his dad.  I felt like I was walking through a door. Messages on facebook and one who wanted to talk to me.

She understood the separation, she is my sons age.  Her grandparents (my aunt and uncle) didn’t get along with the rest of the family and she grew up without the bonds they all had and have.  She was yet another abandoned ship without a harbour.

When you see pictures of seven small boys together brothers, cousins and friends you know friendship, love and acceptance.

Parents should love, nurture and protect their children.  They should not take loved ones away or keep them away.  They should not hurt their children or allow someone to abuse them, ripping their hearts out.  They should never chose an adult over their children, anyone of my family would have been happy to have me.  I was a sweet, loving, kind child full of innocence with a desire to be good and loved.



Dreams I can handle, it’s the waking hours when sleep escapes me and the wondering mind says, ‘You can fix everything!”

Published June 13, 2014 by Dream Weaver

Childhood, those who were forced to abandon me when my mother cut me off from my father and his family at the age of nine.

Adolescence, when the man she ran off with emotionally, physically and sexually abused me.

Adulthood, when I feel in love and married knowing someday my husband would die and leave me a widow with two small children.

Sisterhood, when my stepfather abused my adopted brothers and sisters and all the pain and anguish we all went through rose its ugly head and more.  Some secrets came out through court and others thought they were safely packed away.

Parenthood, through custody and raising of my adopted brothers and sisters and my two small children who suffered all more than any child should.  Lose of a parent or more and the trauma of abuse.

Single-parenthood, of my own children who losing their father had affected them deeply, and the added loss of Aunts and Uncles who made matters worse, with threats and deception and severing ties with the children who had adored them.

Wings Spread, finally ready to love again. After decades of taking care of everyone else; my children, my brothers and sisters, I found a new soul mate and sold my house and move half way across the country.

Life Anew, I lived life doing things I never did.  Learned things I never knew.  Was happy, loved, and looked after even though my independence sometimes fought it.

Illnesses abound, Seems like, seems nope; am fighting one thing after another.  My health is in the worst it could ever be.  Frequent and long hospital and nursing home stays, due to repeated infections.  Falls resulting in a dislocated broken shoulder with torn rotator they can’t fix due to medical conditions.  A knee that knee cap has decided to move and probably torn ligaments that they can fix without putting me under.  Diabetes and kidney failure.  Sadly, a few other major issues.

Hospital Bed Bound, I can walk very short distances, with varying levels of pain. Have lived in my hospital bed at home for three years.  Have done wheelchairs, walkers, canes and lot and lots of PT, sadly things keep hurting.  I have my own TIMS unit to massage different spots and have developed allergies to almost every pain med there is.  I have had nerves burned in my back which did help that area a lot.  Sadly no life again.  If I go out it’s to doctors, if I am out too long I suffer for days on pain meds.  Haven’t seen a game of my grandson or a school event all year.  Tomorrow though, I take a step closer to some regained independence.  I meet with a MD for the next step in getting a motorized wheelchair built for me.  My primary caregiver finally gave in. I still ended up doing the ‘leg work’ found out who did them and how we jumped through Medicare hoops to get it.

  1. Have a evaluation by Physical Therapy she writes an recommendation (DONE)
  2. Have a Face to Face with a MD he examines me and write the order filling out the correct forms correctly sending them to Medicare
  3. Medicare approves
  4. Order is placed and within about two weeks from that I have a motorized chair for home use to get to the bathroom, help me cook and clean. That I can use to go outdoors and I can go places with.  The good news is get out of bed more!

Fix everything, never!  Fix a few things, yes!

  • I did protect another generation of children, protecting them from another child molester my step family.  That secret of fifty years has seen the light of day.  No consequences, for him but his WHOLE FAMILY KNOWS and CHILDREN ARE SAFE!
  • My children survived their childhood better than I did, lucky them!
  • I have lost both parents, but am finding my father’s family through genealogy.  Second cousins who lived miles from me growing up. That I probably would have known if things were different, but we are like we knew each other our whole lives.  They don’t remember my dad, but the next up generation does.
  • My daughter and grandson followed me five years later and live with us.  First years were tough.  My illnesses have brought us closer.  I believe losing another family member scared her a bit.  She had lived next door to my mother about a year before she passed and two years later all my issues started.
  • My grandson is my blessing and my life.  He is an Angel on earth.  He calls me Grandpa since he came here and I love it!  He’s a cuddle bug, a teaser, a joker, a singer, a helper and my spoiled little man who is turning 7 next month.

So much history lost, so many memories are to be made.  Enjoy what life you have and never look back, never change a thing.  If I had changed one thing, I would not have the loved ones that surround me.  I do have sorrows in my life but I am what they made me:  STRONG AND DETERMINED